How do I find a reason for my life? What is a purpose strong enough to give me an unshakeable will to live?
I can of course say “honoring God,” or something like that – but that’s just what I’m supposed to say. It’s full of the feeling of obligation, not desire.
Sure, some Catholics might reprimand me for this – tell me that I’ve got my priorities out of line and what I really need to do is get to the place where I can desire just one thing, and that’s the “Will of God.”
That’s all well and good, but again, it feels forced – bland, even, or obligatory – like I’m parroting the words I’ve been taught I ought to say.
It doesn’t in fact rivet me, or inspire me, or charge me with desire. Maybe I’m just not holy enough. Fine. But I think the fact of the matter is that I’m a human, and I need God to talk to me in a way that resonates with my own heart and soul.
I don’t want to be sunken down by the weight of all these expectations of suffering – all these messages which just make life, including a life of faith, feel like one, ceaseless, leaden obligation.
Send me a messenger of help. Send me a messenger of joy. Set me free to live in a way that’s inspired and inspiring.Â