There is a question that frequently troubles my soul – namely, the question of GOD, and how to find Him.
I am at a loss for words. The prayers of my soul are quiet and I must strain to hear them. There is the sadness of doubt, and the heaviness of disappointed dreams. I can open myself to Trust – but the inner longings that are at stake are hard to entrust to anyone, particularly when the heart finds so many reasons to not believe.
But now is not the time for doubting. On the holiest week of the year, my prayer is for faith, and for a deep and radical reliance on GOD – for a holy relationship with Him, for a bond that is life-giving and sustaining and true.
All I say is subject to questioning. So be it.
My nature is here, laid bare on the page. Full of quashed-down hopes and desires – passionate – intense – but also detached and contradictory and aware of the complexity of things.
That is all. Life will be as it will be.
My prayer is: “Be it done to me according to Thy Word.”
I am simple, I am free. The answers will find me in the simplest of ways – that is, coming to me in the sweet center of my soul. May I be open enough to receive them without my usual stubbornness and arguments and complaints.