Eight Brief Asides

1.

So many straying thoughts and rogue ideas. Always trying, I think, to assemble everything into a cogent whole – a coherent junction of all the world’s miscellaneous parts. And yet – I’m just one woman, small, and my ability to hold everything – let alone weave it together – is limited.

But I feel somehow like I’m answering a call – fulfilling a responsibility – by trying, at any rate, to put these efforts into words.

Whether or not I succeed every time is beside the point. What matters is that I am choosing to cooperate – giving my “yes” – by showing up and letting the words take form.

2.

“Write about the hard things.”

What does that mean? Everything is hard.

3.

When the road is long (as most roads worth taking are), you must try to pace yourself for the traveling still to come. You must take each leg of the trip as it presents itself, fueling yourself appropriately for that particular stretch of land, remembering that being tired is not a sin, and neither is taking rest.

4.

My fate in life is to be a complicated person longing for simplicity.

5.

We’ll have to, weather permitting, take off our coat and walk in the rain, letting the water remind us that there are forces more powerful than us at work and we can abandon ourselves to them if we get tired of carrying our umbrella everywhere.

6.

A secret: When you let go of your grip on the thing you desire, you give your God permission to order and organize things as He would like.

7.

Listen! What sound is this? The ringing of bells in the dark of night. A call to prayer, a call to reckoning – reckoning with the fact that, among all the possibilities for your life, you have chosen to live out this one. Or haven’t you?

8.

Rose – lovely to behold –
have you managed to penetrate
the mysteries of the world?

Brief Thoughts (No. 35)

Sometimes you start to think about your life in ways that seem sophisticated and smart, because they are intricate and complicated, but in the process of doing so, you may be failing to ask the questions that are actually wise – the questions that will lead you more surely to truth and understanding than the complicated lines of thought that you believed were helping you to appreciate the complexity of life.

Remember, simplicity is your friend. Don’t get bogged down in unnecessary problems.

Pianoforte

The pianoforte’s playing
a song lost long ago
to someone who was busy
with things he had to grow
and reap and sow and harvest,
with little thought for trifling airs,
but in the losing, he forgot
how nice it was to rest his cares
by doing something simple,
doing something free:
playing a little song for him,
a little song for me.

Sometimes people forget to hear and see the beauty that’s in front of them. Sometimes the call to responsibility overpowers the call to rest and the call to appreciate the tiny things that stir something in our souls. Responsibility, of course, is essential; no one is denying that. But how many moments of love have we passed over because we felt like we didn’t have the time? The slow embrace, the lingering song – don’t we think of these things long after they’re done? Why rush something whose very beauty depends on the complete disregard for the passing of time?

The Shortest Route to Heaven

If you’re looking for the shortest route to Heaven, choose the simple way.

The simple way is about holding to what is good and letting go of the rest.

When you start to follow the simple way – which asks of you Trust and Surrender – you will begin to feel freer and lighter, because you are letting the grace of GOD do much of the work in your stead.

Your role in this simple way is to assent to the things GOD has given you – and refuse to wear yourself down with extraneous or unhelpful things.

For a soul who is called by this way, it may feel more difficult to surrender than to control – more difficult to trust than to worry.

But the GOD Who asks you to follow this way has intended this path for your good, knowing that simplicity and freedom are the keys to your soul’s being fully alive.

To complicate such a soul with worry and torment is anathema to this way of life.

You must take care to shake off such encumbrances and impediments to simplicity before they take you in their grip. But even then, when the complication seems immense and too deeply entrenched, the way out is to pick up and follow the simplest way home.

You will discover the great beauty of this path as soon as you begin walking it.

Why not trust and see?

The Simpler Way

Don’t let your fears stand in the way of the truth.

That means – if your soul is leading you to something, trust that instinct. If your mind is driving you to something very anxiously, and in a way that brings you no peace – leave that “guidance” aside. It is most likely your fear leading you astray.

Life is complicated, yes. And we don’t always find things working out the way we wish. But the intuition you feel to follow the “simple way” is valid and good.

It doesn’t mean pretending that the complexities of life don’t exist. It means choosing to face them with trust in GOD and with an understanding that, often, the simpler way allows you to see through the illusory things, straight into the heart of what is most essential, and effective, and true.

A Normal Life

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” – Albert Camus.

You know, I want to be a normal girl. I want to be involved in the ordinary, common things that the people around me enjoy. Watching sports, eating ice cream, going to the bar for a drink (even though, admittedly, I’d be drinking water rather than beer).

I want a normal life, grounded in everyday, relatable realities. I don’t want to live some obscure, tucked-away existence, like a mystic removed from the world, inhabiting another plane. I don’t want rarefied interests or a Bohemian lifestyle. I don’t want to be locked away in an ivory tower; nor do I want to wander the desert, pursuing the ascetical path of perfection. I want simple; I want normal; I want human.

I want to take my car to get an oil change and then string up Christmas lights – without all the while contemplating the metaphysical significance of what I’m doing. I want to invite people over for dinner and laugh with them about silly, unimportant things. I want to wash dishes afterward and stay up late learning how to play poker and swear in Italian. I want to get married and have kids and spend my afternoons going to little-league softball games and soccer matches and meetings of the PTA. I want to brew a cup of hot tea and make up a bed for someone who’s sick. I want to go to church without feeling panicked – and without worrying that I don’t know what’s True, or that I need to sort out the questions of existence before the hour is up, or that I have to join the convent (or do some other thing I really don’t want to do) in order to please God.

The things I desire are actually really simple. I just happen to be a complicated person, which makes the simplicity of my desires seem impossible sometimes.

But here I am, wanting to be simple – wanting to lead a simple life – and at the same time not wanting to renounce the things that make me, me.

It’s not impossible, right? But even if it is – well, I guess I will have to take refuge in the belief that, with God, “nothing shall be impossible.”

Fragments: Turning Within

Some fragments of journal entries, gathered to loosely reflect the theme of turning to God in the midst of confusion and following the simpler interior way. 

You know that things are unusual when you ask your brain to supply you with sense and all you get are vague gestures at reason. You can see that most of us are scrambling to find the meaning in a world that’s gone insane.

The way is long and uncertain. Lots of trouble, lots of pain. The chest is first to experience the pressure, the blow. How can the human heart, fragile as it is, endure so much?

What is the secret to resilience, the thing that gives the heart a will to survive? We can’t imagine our lives into existence; we can only sustain the lives we’ve been given with a commitment to prayer, to joy, to loving as deeply and intensely (intently?) as we can.

Be not afraid.

The things that give you fright are harmless at best – mostly made up in your mind as phantoms of unrest and disease.

If you believe the troublesome thoughts without cause, you will find yourself going insane.

So the best thing to do is to close your eyes and ask for the truth. “GOD, what is the truth?” Ask and He will respond. Be attentive to Him and His voice will lead you toward the end of your desire – which is Truth and Love itself.

The soul of your house is filled with love. The windows need cleaned, but the soul is good, and soon, with a little soap and a little water, the sun will stream through.

The problem with trying to live uprightly is that temptation gets in the way. There are moments of turmoil when the right thing is clear, but the wrong thing dresses itself up in more attractive clothes to make you feel you’ve denied yourself real life or joy by abstaining from its charms.

The only response in such situations is to hear the Inner Voice and listen to its call.

If you take heed and follow the precepts of Christ, you will find yourself a new and liberated person, free from the bonds of distress and despair brought on by the oppressor of souls. Hold fast to the truth and you will see your mind and heart set free.

Yes, the way is narrow, but there are ways to keep yourself on the right path.

The first of these ways is love. The last of these ways is also love.

For in the end, what will count is how much we have loved one another and loved our GOD.

Be at peace, for the things you wish to know are revealed in the quiet of your soul.

Seasons change, GOD does not. He is a constant Presence Who provides your Rock of Safety and your Bed of Peace. Pretend not to know all His ways – for His ways are beyond your grasp and His thoughts are above your own.

But listen to the sound you hear in the depths of your soul – and you will begin to see how GOD is calling you to live. He will leave you His Spirit to guide and direct, and to bring you into the mysteries of His pure and profound Love. Be at peace, for the way you will know (though you may not comprehend the whole)… when you rest in Him and rely on His care. Amen.

Where will we find our peace? Not inside a drawer. Not inside a cupboard. Not inside a lock-box of things the Earth supplies. No – we will find our peace sitting calmly in the center of things, waiting for us to choose the simpler, quieter way. Why would we desire any other way?

The simplicity you ask for is simple indeed. You don’t need to go looking far and wide for something that exists within. Remember how easy it is to let go of all the fuss and turn to Him who dwells inside.

The way is simple. Say yes.

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